I have so far tried to
locate you in the interstices of memories that define us and in effect you are
inducted in my memory. Moments of love that are salient with the flow of life
and reason are all over yet not required. The complex social structure of our
life has narrowed its ways for us. By the time we are readying for each other,
it may start killing the reason between us. For now, it is alive and dead,
squeezed or free from our clutches, somewhere.
It has its existence beyond us but it continues to grow within us,
around us and sometimes scare us with the uncompromising realities. When I stop
for a while and think, it is the time I start measuring the past through the
lenses of present and derive some meaning for future. But looking back at past
is cumbersome, frustrating, exhausting and to some extent unrelentingly
elating. Past is everything, past is possession and past is existence, it is
not easy to touch and explicate the past in a wholesome rather break it in some
events which are glittering or dark when we look back at them from present. When
we just drop out of our home in some unfathomed evening, sometime distressed
and restricted in our dispositions , we are drawn to look up in sky to the
belief of God that some alms may flow down from the heaven or Allah as thou
stand high in skies. In our sighs we also realize the shining stars away from
us make the universe large place than our imagination and we are released. Same
is the case with past, when we look back in it, we see a lot of life stored in
small events which has defined us, designed us and projected us. Where I stand
now is compilation of chronic events, block over block, in line and
symmetry. Part of me is what you are and
part of you is what I am- inseparable yet defined separately. What are common,
the point of synergy, communion in our existence, are the memories we derive
separately from the life which in itself is one, transposing between us and
coincidentally merging us in a whole. It seems blasphemous to talk about first
kiss, first hug, and first delight of unimaginable magnitude and first tears of
love. All of it is heavenly, at least it transcends to heavens. But it is also
elusive in its nature, intensity and longevity, uniquely moving to the place of
sacredness and safety away from human reach and with every passing moment it
grows, strengthens and solidifies its existence separate from us yet within us.
We buy illusions to say love squeezed between the thin lines of destiny and in
fear of its death we deliberately and desperately try to erase it from the
sacred and safe throne where it is inscribed permanently and perfectly. We live
in memories as an idea, perfect in itself and immortal, away from the existence
of us.
